When We First Met
by theyellowumbrella
Summary: Season one au. Barney/Robin.
1. Chapter One

When he first saw her, he was scanning the room looking for his next conquest. Ted was babbling about something to do with love or some other meaningless crap like that and that's when finally, Ted noticed the girl that Barney had been eyeing for the last fewu minutes.

When Barney had first set eyes on her, he automatically looked to her breasts. Then he gave her the all-over and when he saw her face, his heart beat just that little bit faster. He figured it was the alcohol talking, and it was, partially.

So when Ted had said, "hey Barney, you see that girl?" He let the first words he could think of leave his mouth. They just happened to be, "oh yeah. You just know she likes it dirty."

Ignoring the completely stupid thing he had just said, he walked over to her. He was planning on hitting on her, but he saw the look in Ted's eyes when he saw her.

"Hi, haave you met Ted?" He pushed Ted lightly towards her and returned to his seat at the counter.

Taking his drink in his hand, Barney waltzed over to a girl near his booth. "Hi." He said when he approached, but the normal cheeriness was gone.

"Hey, Lauren. Your name is?" She said with a flirtatious smirk, running her hands up and down his chest.

"Barney." He mumbled in reply, looking back at the mysterious girl. A small smile appeared on his face as he saw her giggling at something Ted said.

"Who's that? Girlfriend?" Lauren snapped, walking away from him.

"Teddy boy! Lets hit the streets! Oh, who's this?"

"Robin, you introduced us. Um, Barney, why don't you go alone?" He widened his eyes and tried to get Barney to leave.

"Trying to stop me from meeting this pretty little thing?" Robin blushed, even though she rolled her eyes.

"I know your type. You'll sleep with anything that's interested, huh?" She said with a playful smirk.

"What are you, a psychic?" He asked confusedly.

"News reporter. Kind of." She replied, leaning on the counter.

"Cool. I work at Altracell. The place with the tennis ball fluff stuff."

"I know what Altracell is, dude." She shot back.

Ted, who was feeling left out, tried to cut in. "So, I'm working on this really cool..." Barney interrupted him with a sharp, "not now, Ted. Robin and I are talking."

Robin giggled softly at him and shook her head. "Shh, Barney." She looked down at her watch and sighed. "Nice meeting you boys but I have to go."

Barney froze. He didn't want this to be the last time he saw Robin because she seemed awesome. "Can I have your number?" He yelled finally, once she was halfway out of the door. A few people looked at him but when they saw the two regular customers they went back to what they were doing previously.

"Okay. One minute, let me find my card." She rummaged around in her purse for a while until finally she found a crumpled card. Handing it to Barney, she turned around again and said, "you better call."

"I will."

As soon as she was out of the door, Ted hit him. "What the hell, bro?" Barney exclaimed, rubbing the spot Ted had hit.

"You knew I liked her! I had dibs." He whined, sounding relatively like a three year old who's mom wouldn't buy him candy.

"You called no dibs and you did not have implied dibs either, Mosby. I know what you're thinking, Barney's going to screw her over. Well, I'm not, okay? I like her."

He looked down at the business card and saw her name printed in neat black writing. "Robin Scherbatsky. Nice name." He whispered and then turned to Marshall and Lily, who had just arrived.

"Barney stole my future wife! And he claims he likes her." Ted moaned as he took his seat.

"Maybe she's my future wife." Barney stated, causing Lily to choke on her beer.

"Let me meet this girl." She managed to croak out, glaring at Barney.

"I have her number. One minute." He passed her the card and she whipped out her phone, dialling the number.

"Hi, is this Robin Scherbatsky?" She asked excitedly.

"Yeah, who's this?"

"You don't know me, but I know you-" Lily started, but Marshall interrupted her with a quick, "that sounds creepy."

"Right, sorry. Technically, I've only heard about you. I believe earlier tonight you met my friends Ted and Barney?" She corrected, flashing the boys a wide smile.

"Um, yeah. I gave Barney my number." She answered, sounding puzzled.

"Mhm. Now, he didn't trick you? Tell you he was a millionaire or something idiotic like that? Cos he's a womanizer, you know..."

"I know, I could tell when he called me a "pretty little thing". We just talked, that's all. Anyway, what d'ya need?" She said with a chuckle.

Lily hesitated for a moment. She wasn't sure what she was going to ask, she'd just immediately wanted to check that it wasn't a practical joke. "I...um...I just wanted to check you were real. Barney said he liked you and I needed to talk to the girl who turned Barney Stinson down. Not many do, it's only like...you and me who have."

"Awesome. So, what's your name?" Robin asked.

"Lily. Um, can I call you back? Barney and Ted are giving me a death glare and Marshall, my fiancé, is trying to stop them from killing each other."

"Sure. I like the sound of you guys. You sound legendary." Lily couldn't believe what she had just heard. This woman truly could be the Future Mrs. Stinson.

"You and Barney are gonna get on just great." And with that, she hung up and grinned at Barney.

"Ted, sorry to crush your hopes and dreams of her being Mrs. Ted Mosby but she seems more of a Barney girl." Lily said excitedly.

"What, a slutty bimbo? No, Robin's different. In what way is she even remotely like Ba-" He protested, but was interrupted by Lily.

"She said legendary."

"She said legendary? Barney, this woman is perfect for you! Oh my god, think, Lil! Little Stinson-Scherbatsky babies running around the place. I'm so psyched, I can't wait!" Marshall yelled happily, doing what could only be described as a dance in his seat.

"Okay, slow down there, Eriksen. Barney doesn't want children, commitment or marriage. I, on the other hand, do." Ted pouted.

"Maybe Robin doesn't either." Lily suggested after a moment of silence.

"Then there would be Stinson-Scherbatsky sex!" Barney waggled his eyebrows, smirking at Lily.

"There's the Barney we all know and have grown to tolerate." She grumbled.

"Seriously, though. She's really pretty and nice and funny and sarcastic and awesome and she listened to me over Ted!" He adored, jumping up and down in his seat.

"Is he mocking or is he serious?" Marshall whispered to Lily.

"No idea. Maybe this is what lovestruck Barney's like." She replied, staring wide-eyed at her friend.


	2. Chapter Two

Robin turned the key in the lock, opening the door with ease. As soon as she got in she took a bottle of beer from the fridge and flopped onto the sofa. Turning the tv on and flicking through the channels, she finally landed on a movie channel. She grinned to herself. Finally America was showing some common sense and playing a Canadian film, Mackleroy and Lafleur. She was getting into the film when she heard her phone buzz.

With a sigh, she answered it. "Hello?" She said, keeping her eyes glue to the tv.

"Hey, Robin. It's Marshall. I was wondering if you could come over. I know it's late and we hardly know each other but Lily's having what she calls a midlife crisis and neither me, Ted or Barney can cheer her up and we've come to the conclusion that its a girls job. Your name was suggested among others but both Ted and Barney were eager to invite you but both refused to call you so I have to. God, I'm freaking you out, amen't I?" She giggled a little and agreed to come over if she got pizza and beer.

Fifteen minutes later, she was sitting in Ted and Marshall's apartment, comforting Lily over a stolen piece of artwork that she had painted. Robin didn't really understand the big deal but comforted all the same. So by the time that she was calm, both Ted and Barney had shared a telepathic conversation that lasted at least half an hour.

_She's mine._

_No, I had implied dibs!_

_No you didn't, you bastard._

After a lot of crying and cursing, Marshall and Lily were in bed and all that was left was Ted, Barney and Robin.

"Hectic night, huh?" Barney awkwardly mumbled, and mentally slapped himself for saying something so stupid.

"Yeah. I'm gonna turn in, I guess. Night." Ted headed off to his bedroom, leaving only Robin and Barney.

"Wanna watch tv?" Barney suggested, nodding his head in the direction of the tv. "Of course, my 300 inch is better, and I'm not just talking about the tv."

Robin practically fell apart in laughter, grinning at her new friend. "Only you get away with saying things like that. Oh, my mascara." She wiped her mascara, which was running a little bit and smiled again. "We could watch the end of Mackleroy and Lafleur."

"What's that?" He asked curiously, staring at her.

"It's a Canadian film about a young renegade cop and an old grumpy African-Canadian who-"

"Lame! Rip off of Lethal Weapon. It's not too late, we could hit the bars. Maybe cigar club and then laser tag?" She nodded and grabbed her jacket, pulling it on.

-xxx-

They had no idea how, but somehow Barney and Robin found themselves in intensive care at 3:30 in the morning, both plastered up.

"Names?" The receptionist asked Ted, Lily and Marshall as they rushed to the front desk, panicking.

"Barney Stinson and Robin Scherbatsky." Marshall practically yelled, running a hand through his wild, untamed hair.

"How are you guys?" Lily gushed, running to her friends sides.

"Awesome. I mean, shame they plastered us up so we can't move. Or even better, have se-"

"For gods sake, Barney! How many times?" Robin exclaimed, glaring at the childish blonde who was grinning away.

"Ew. Slightly disgusting. How did you even get here?" Marshall asked, sitting on the edge of Robin's bed.

"We got beaten up by some Japanese people. Dumbfuck, over there," Robin pointed accusingly at Barney, who shrugged. "Called them "ugly slanty-eyed pedophiles." So they beat us to a pulp. How are they pedophiles anyway, Barney?"

"They were staring at your ass all night!" He objected.

"So were you. That doesn't make you a pedophile, does it?" She automatically retaliated, scowling at him.

"That's not what makes him a pedophile." Ted joked, but nobody laughed.

"Don't joke about sexual predatory. It isn't funny." Marshall finally said, rolling his eyes at the two.


End file.
